I benefit from being a victim
I would like to present you with a letter written by a client of mine about one of the phases of our work. Published with her permission. I hope this letter helps to see "your" circles of victim.
Letter from a client
I think I can finally answer "why do I benefit from being a Victim?.
The main and primary purpose is to confirm the picture of the world, my negativist approach is based on "I knew it" and "you can't trust anyone.". This had been clear to me for a long time, but there was no feeling that the answer was complete. You mentioned that the Victim receives an enormous amount of energy, and here I was all looking for: where? how? Why I don't notice it and can't take full advantage of it?
Eventually, I traced the pattern of my affects, and I think I figured out what it was. Here's even drew a picture, and I'll comment on it just below. To all appearances, I get into the position of Victim twice per cycle: the first time I get nothing (or so it seems to me), but the second time I hit the jackpot - but I don't have the strength to assess the winnings, and I hardly notice them, as I'm absorbed by emptiness and the cessation of the inner struggle.
There is indeed a lot of energy that comes from the environment, but it all goes to fixing things up to the point of minimal functioning. I meet her appearance with flaccid inner comments ranging from "you've had enough of her, now let's bounce around To "late in the game, I do not need anything, But it's more sarcasm than seriousness or schadenfreude, and I wish everyone would go away sooner. Then I gain strength (or neurosis drives me), I realize that I myself was unfair, well, then I go out to the Savior, and the cycle repeats itself.
Explanation of the picture
1. Rescuer: To fix everything, to help everyone, to make things better! Strengths abound, prospects are bright. My relatives are attentive; my requests are given accurately and within my limits. I am very willing to fix what I have destroyed in my outburst of anger -- and that is through actions, not through words or intentions, which are of questionable value compared to the tangible proof of caring and atonement.
2. I'm fine! I'm trying d I'm loved and praised d I'm happy and I'm trying harder. More than I am asked, more than I can, in general everything is a little bit too much, but I am not embarrassed by it, because "it's not so hard for me" And make everybody happy. It's not hard yet.
3. Reduced response. My efforts cease to be something exceptional: they still praise and love me, but more and more automatically, and it seems that I either do not really need it or it is taken for granted. I begin to strain, not getting what is expected, but I can not reduce the degree of effort: "if you call yourself a body - take the mushrooms. Shame gradually fades, guilt and anxiety grow.
4. Frustration becomes very palpable and permanent. What started as an easy service for my mutual pleasure is tacitly made my responsibility, and if I don't do something in time, I get blamed. Praise is not just not enough, but frankly not enough, and sometimes just forget to praise. At this stage I wish I could make it clear that I haven't been hired and that it will be done when it's done, but I'm usually ready to become a victim and do as I'm told, just to see if they will thank me at all or not. Strength is running out, guilt is gone, anxiety is running high.
5. Victim. I'm already seriously offended, I try my best to resist but Nobody Appreciates! My insults and anger reach their peak but I can't discuss it with anyone "guess what". I take on some last thing with the expectation that I'll finally get some normal fucking praise. The case is given hard, none of the participants are no longer happy, but it is imperative to bring it to an end - otherwise there is nothing to praise for. But resentment and anger are already so swayed that at the first opportunity I pass the tipping point. Not so complimented, little, insincere, and I! For you assholes! "I haven't finished my sweet bite - and here we go. If I wash myself down with alcohol or just get wound up more than usual, then I instantly hit 6.
6. The Executioner. Affect: everyone is guilty, everyone is staked, a flood of undigested emotions, tears, screaming, hilarious what. I don't care what will happen to me, to relations, I need to blame and yell, and then the grass won't grow. I'm feared and hated -- but it's impossible to ignore me, I finally concentrate other people's attention, and I don't care what quality it is.
7. Emptiness. I'm relieved for a while, I don't feel anything at all anymore, and that's fine. It is useless to shame me, to appeal to my sense of duty and conscience, I cannot be blamed, etc.�. And t.�. Nothing at all. There's peace and quiet inside. Alas, it doesn't last long. There is heaviness and the realization that here it is again, I have stepped on the same rake again.
8. Apathy. I gradually become self-pitying, and all wildly heavy, and the people around me, I frankly do not give a damn. From here it's a straight path to Sacrifice. It is impossible not to notice the change in my behavior; I am becoming not a helper, but a natural burden.
9. Victim. AND THERE IT IS, THE ENERGY. Now they take care of me, make me porridge and tuck me in under a blanket. But I always sleep or lie in silence, feeling sorry for myself and for myself in every way. It is hard to see loved ones, I almost cry. I see the concern, and a suspicion creeps in: I'm stressing everyone out because I'm lying down. It would bother me to make porridge for all the hysterical people, it probably bothers them too.
10. Shame and guilt replaces self-pity. I begin to reproach myself for my ugly behavior which is nobody's fault but mine. ""Here you go again with the innocent people, and they give you porridge. I can no longer lie in this state, so I start quietly, without showing off, to do something familiar, something no one has ever asked me to do.
11. The situation seems incomplete to me, and I think I can earn back a good attitude I can if I'm nice to everyone and help everyone again. Skip to 1.
I benefit from being a victim
I would like to present you with a letter written by a client of mine about one of the phases of our work. Published with her permission. I hope this letter helps to see "your" circles of victim.
Letter from a client
I think I can finally answer "why do I benefit from being a Victim?.
The main and primary purpose is to confirm the picture of the world, my negativist approach is based on "I knew it" and "you can't trust anyone.". This had been clear to me for a long time, but there was no feeling that the answer was complete. You mentioned that the Victim receives an enormous amount of energy, and here I was all looking for: where? how? Why I don't notice it and can't take full advantage of it?
Eventually, I traced the pattern of my affects, and I think I figured out what it was. Here's even drew a picture, and I'll comment on it just below. To all appearances, I get into the position of Victim twice per cycle: the first time I get nothing (or so it seems to me), but the second time I hit the jackpot - but I don't have the strength to assess the winnings, and I hardly notice them, as I'm absorbed by emptiness and the cessation of the inner struggle.
There is indeed a lot of energy that comes from the environment, but it all goes to fixing things up to the point of minimal functioning. I meet her appearance with flaccid inner comments ranging from "you've had enough of her, now let's bounce around To "late in the game, I do not need anything, But it's more sarcasm than seriousness or schadenfreude, and I wish everyone would go away sooner. Then I gain strength (or neurosis drives me), I realize that I myself was unfair, well, then I go out to the Savior, and the cycle repeats itself.
Explanation of the picture
1. Rescuer: To fix everything, to help everyone, to make things better! Strengths abound, prospects are bright. My relatives are attentive; my requests are given accurately and within my limits. I am very willing to fix what I have destroyed in my outburst of anger -- and that is through actions, not through words or intentions, which are of questionable value compared to the tangible proof of caring and atonement.
2. I'm fine! I'm trying d I'm loved and praised d I'm happy and I'm trying harder. More than I am asked, more than I can, in general everything is a little bit too much, but I am not embarrassed by it, because "it's not so hard for me" And make everybody happy. It's not hard yet.
3. Reduced response. My efforts cease to be something exceptional: they still praise and love me, but more and more automatically, and it seems that I either do not really need it or it is taken for granted. I begin to strain, not getting what is expected, but I can not reduce the degree of effort: "if you call yourself a body - take the mushrooms. Shame gradually fades, guilt and anxiety grow.
4. Frustration becomes very palpable and permanent. What started as an easy service for my mutual pleasure is tacitly made my responsibility, and if I don't do something in time, I get blamed. Praise is not just not enough, but frankly not enough, and sometimes just forget to praise. At this stage I wish I could make it clear that I haven't been hired and that it will be done when it's done, but I'm usually ready to become a victim and do as I'm told, just to see if they will thank me at all or not. Strength is running out, guilt is gone, anxiety is running high.
5. Victim. I'm already seriously offended, I try my best to resist but Nobody Appreciates! My insults and anger reach their peak but I can't discuss it with anyone "guess what". I take on some last thing with the expectation that I'll finally get some normal fucking praise. The case is given hard, none of the participants are no longer happy, but it is imperative to bring it to an end - otherwise there is nothing to praise for. But resentment and anger are already so swayed that at the first opportunity I pass the tipping point. Not so complimented, little, insincere, and I! For you assholes! "I haven't finished my sweet bite - and here we go. If I wash myself down with alcohol or just get wound up more than usual, then I instantly hit 6.
6. The Executioner. Affect: everyone is guilty, everyone is staked, a flood of undigested emotions, tears, screaming, hilarious what. I don't care what will happen to me, to relations, I need to blame and yell, and then the grass won't grow. I'm feared and hated -- but it's impossible to ignore me, I finally concentrate other people's attention, and I don't care what quality it is.
7. Emptiness. I'm relieved for a while, I don't feel anything at all anymore, and that's fine. It is useless to shame me, to appeal to my sense of duty and conscience, I cannot be blamed, etc.�. And t.�. Nothing at all. There's peace and quiet inside. Alas, it doesn't last long. There is heaviness and the realization that here it is again, I have stepped on the same rake again.
8. Apathy. I gradually become self-pitying, and all wildly heavy, and the people around me, I frankly do not give a damn. From here it's a straight path to Sacrifice. It is impossible not to notice the change in my behavior; I am becoming not a helper, but a natural burden.
9. Victim. AND THERE IT IS, THE ENERGY. Now they take care of me, make me porridge and tuck me in under a blanket. But I always sleep or lie in silence, feeling sorry for myself and for myself in every way. It is hard to see loved ones, I almost cry. I see the concern, and a suspicion creeps in: I'm stressing everyone out because I'm lying down. It would bother me to make porridge for all the hysterical people, it probably bothers them too.
10. Shame and guilt replaces self-pity. I begin to reproach myself for my ugly behavior which is nobody's fault but mine. ""Here you go again with the innocent people, and they give you porridge. I can no longer lie in this state, so I start quietly, without showing off, to do something familiar, something no one has ever asked me to do.
11. The situation seems incomplete to me, and I think I can earn back a good attitude I can if I'm nice to everyone and help everyone again. Skip to 1.